The JRB presents an alternative Twitter timeline by Farai Mudzingwa, who imagines what he would have, or could have, posted had he been able to during the week-long social media blackout that starved the world of information on Zimbabwe, from Monday 14 January to Monday 21 January, while its government and security forces cracked down on protesters. Many of these protesters are still being held in prison. For information on the situation in Zimbabwe, The JRB recommends following the Twitter accounts of, among others: Mudzingwa, Pastor Evan Mawarire and Doug Coltart.
NB: the Twitter account @Zvakadhakwa was created by The JRB as a vehicle for Mudzingwa’s piece.
Monday, 14 January 2019
People talking about the video calling for a stay away. I haven’t seen it. Last heard of the ZCTU in 1999 lol
Of the three workers left at the two factories still running in this cowntry, how many of them are in a union? [5 Marks]
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Okay, so Whatsapp messages coming in, marchers in the CBD. Usual suspects. Unemployed youths probably. Riot police on standby. Trying to intimidate them and then probably fling teargas when they want to go home.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Looks like shit is going down. Roads are being blocked and tyres are being burnt.
Yep, and shops are being looted – unexpected, but also not totally unexpected. Town is getting LIT!!!
Eish hanzi people are walking, no kombis.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
"Tmrw we go to the suburbs, b/dale, Mt pleasant, cause in these places it’s business as usual and that’s where these politicians shop, eat, live and drink. Let’s take the fight to them. We mean business #shutdownzim"
Twangy blecks are shook.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Imagine waking up in a Twangy neighbourhood and not being able to go have breakfast at Borrowdale Village because Kedza from Budaz is throwing rocks at the Popo mxm #KedzaMustFall
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Now word on the streets is that 2 to 4 people have been shot.
Seems they are shooting at People-degree angles today.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Is it just me or my twitter is down?
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Also Whatsapp?
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Wait, are they both owned by Facebook?
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Screw Zuckerface.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Oh crap, my WiFi is dead.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Can’t connect on data either smh
I want my dollar back Strive (no jokes)— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Come back to sosho media.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
I should be sleeping anyway.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Tuesday, 15 January 2019
Internet dead AF. FOMO got me in the CBD at 8am. Town is dead. Streets are empty AF. Not a kombi in sight. On the upside I saw 4 maPostori and 3 Muslim guys – looks like all sorts of religious intervention needed at this point #ZimShutdown
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
"It’s so crazy. How was town though?? Every place just looks deserted. My sister’s blood pressure is not going down so there’s a possibility she might have to have a c-section today … is it safe out there??"
SMS from my friend
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
So I get to Rezende taxi rank and this kid is standing by the corner. The place is eerily quiet and still. I pull out my camera. He watches me. I watch him. He stares at my camera. Maybe he’s state intelligence.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
"I wonder what’s gonna happen tomorrow. I’m still not going to work tomorrow. I got SMSes in the morning. My phone didn’t know how to react for a minute. It was so shaken shem."
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
"I’ve just heard they’re deploying the army tomorrow. Don’t know how far true that is.
My girl is now in surgery."
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
"Nhasi kwakaipa ka?" I asked the boy. He scratched his head and mumbled while looking around dejectedly at the empty streets. I take a couple shots of Joina City, the taxi rank, one image has him in the bottom corner.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
The Minister of Information tweets: "Today Zimbabwe is working again. Public order has been restored." #ZimbabweIsOpenForBusiness
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
"Ohhh my goodness. That craziness has started again … and those check point army guys are so creepy. Last time one of them wouldn’t lemme go until I gave him my number."
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
It’s all so surreal. I should be weaving through vendors, stepping over used books and rat poison laid out on the pavement, brushing shoulders, stepping into the road to move forward, but here I am, the only reflection in the shop windows.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
"Surgery’s done. I’m an aunt! We’re not going to burden the boy with pronouns right now. We’ll let the boy choose."
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
It’s the same farther downtown past The Gulf, closed, past Market Square Rank, dead, street kids idling, today they outnumber pedestrians.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
"Fetching US$ for her meds needed first thing tomorrow morning. Went around the Avenues and all pharmacies closed. Only one open is across town – only got this info from a guard outside the last pharmacy we tried."
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
A lone taxi rolls past with a driver and a hwindi, they are not picking up passengers. The street kids look bored.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Wednesday, 16 January 2019
3 raindrops and ZESA goes smh. But also what’s the point of electricity without WiFi? I get to the CBD and there is one military police guy picking his nose outside Karigamombe Centre. #ZimShutdown
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
I go downtown, along Bank Street, towards the railway station. Riot police at Copacabana Rank, Market Square, Rezende. Driving around in the back of their trucks. Good thing I left my camera.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
At the bottom of Nyerere Way a street kid steps up to me. "Biggaz ndipeiwo chi bike ndimborova?" I tell him now is not a good time then ask him how things are in the city today. "Hamuchagarika," he says, then shuffles off.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
The light goes green and I take off. One of the riot police standing across the road stares at me from inside his oversized uniform. (p.s. why do riot police wear jerseys in summer?)
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Tbqfh I haven’t seen this many cops on the streets since the days Pre-Coup traffic cops were out there raking in more "cool drink" than Obert "kaDiamond" Mpofu
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Staying away is all fun and games until your food runs out and you got to eat. OK Supermarket in Fife Avenue tried it. A crowd is outside their closed front doors and staff are telling them to slip in through the rear door.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Police and soldiers have arrived and the crowd is getting agitated. My cue to move on.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Over there, further north by Sam Levy’s Village, a popular café is open and packed with folks sipping lattes, ordering cocktails and hong-honging in delightful twang.#LetThemEatCake
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Thursday, 17 January 2019
So today I can’t tell if there’s fuel coz the garages are still semi closed, and have BEEN fully closed for the past 3 days, but also no one has been on the road anyway and no one knows what’s up because Whatsapp is still blocked.
Pakaipa.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
You move through the twangy suburbs, north of what what, it’s quiet, tense, you feel there’s something ominous in the air, but you also know that shit never comes this side.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
That Whatsapp threat of unTwanged hoards protesting this side of town didn’t materialise – the threat alone was enough.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Post-Coup @InfoMinZW was on radio on Tuesday talking about making the streets safe from terrorists. They switched off the internet on Monday. No footage. No reports. Now she’s bragging that they have arrested 200 people.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Post-Coup Paul Mangwana was also on radio for hours on Tuesday being a legal expert and not a Zanu PF loyalist lol. He was talking about the unconstitutional protests taking place.
Man has no shy.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Today the shops opened around 9am, the queues are fucking insane, people hauling trolleys of food, many of them have just shut their doors at 5pm.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
The staff must now make it across town, through the CBD and the military checkpoints and the possibility of teargas and a baton, and when they get home, hope soldiers don’t knock on their door.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
One guy is laughing at how Zimbos love bread and can’t go two days without a loaf with the shops closed and then another asks, "Do you have kids?" and the conversation ends as abruptly as the internet.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Friday, 18 January 2019
At this point I want to unplug this cowntry right at Kariba walk out and light a match behind me except there’s no point because ZESA is already gone and these clowns have switched off the internet again and this shit is already burning.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Zimbos are Highly Educated in conspiracy theories smh – "internet was only brought back briefly to pay govt salaries", "this is another coup happening", "this is a terrorist campaign by the MDC Alliance and NGOs"
Smh.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Post-Coup @InfoMinZW:
"The trip by HE President ED to Russia is already bearing fruit. Alrosa is on its way back to Zimbabwe"You know what’s on the backs of Zimbabweans ma’am?
"Button sticks"
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Saturday, 19 January 2019
Yesterday I went to an aid centre on condition I wouldn’t reveal the identity of my contact. My contact made a ballsy decision between the possibility of me being a state agent and the need to get word out. #ZimShutdown
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Place was full of people beaten by soldiers and waiting for medical treatment and trauma counselling. Reports were coming in too fast to be tallied. #ZimbabweNdeyeRopa
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
The people in the facility had come in from the townships, some had slept in bushes after being beaten and hounded out of their houses at gunpoint by soldiers. They are afraid to go back home or to clinics and hospitals.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
The facility started shutting down while I was still inside and staff were briefed on how to get out and home safely because word came in that a raid was imminent.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
I spoke to a feminist and activist friend later. She wouldn’t comment in her official capacity, but she asked, the reports are of men being beaten and abducted, what is happening to the women?
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Sunday, 20 January 2019
The Scarfed One @edmnangagwa:
"In light of the economic situation, I will be returning home after a highly productive week of bilateral trade and investment meetings."
Firstly, Boss, aren’t you glad Twitter over there is not blocked?
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Also, if your tweets are done by a PR person in Zimbabwe, which VPN are they using … because your Minister’s directive keeps blocking my VPNs. I’m now on my fifth and running out, Sir.
You’ll have to SMS your reply to me.
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Also, the chartered Boeing 787 Dreamliner you’re floating around Eastern Europe in, is it nice? Do you have to queue for fuel or you just get in and sit and take off? Does it have onboard WiFi?
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Last one. I promise.
Are you streaming ZBC over there?
Are you using Bond Notes or RTGS over there in Belarus? At what exchange rate – 1:1? Is it Gedye over there also?
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Monday, 21 January 2019
Econet, Wed 16 Jan:
"Further to a warrant issued by the Minister of State in the President’s Office for National Security through the Director General of the President’s Dept,acting in terms of the Interception of Communications Act,
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Internet Services are currently suspended across all networks and Internet Service providers.We are obliged to act when directed to do so and the matter is beyond our control.All inconveniences are sincerely regretted."
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Post-Coup Dep. Minister of Information:
"so because a number of videos will be sent on internet, online, and so on through social media and so on, it means that it will be congested…"
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Econet, Thursday 17 Jan, 08:39:
"Dear valued customer, Please be advised that the internet is back online under a directive that Facebook, YouTube, Whatsapp, Twitter, will remain closed until further notice."
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
P-C Dep. Min of Info:
"I went to work,tried to open internet but I could not then I had to call officers responsible and they actually said it’s jammed because there is a lot of congestion, there is a lot of traffic that is happening"
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Econet, Friday 18 Jan, 06:41:
"At 22:05 17/01/19, we were served with another directive for total shutdown of the internet until further notice. Our lawyers advised we are required to comply with the directive pending the Courts decision
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
on its legality. The earlier directives are already the subject of a pending High Court Application . We sincerely apologize for all inconvenience caused by the acts of government which are beyond our reasonable control."
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Post-Coup Dep. Min Info:
"we also encourage users of social media to ensure that they have enough bundles on their phones, actually make sure that their phones are actually on internet such that they can access messages on social media."
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Econet, Friday 18 Jan, 17:18:
"Dear valued customer
At 15:55 on 18/01/:2019, we got a further instruction under the ministerial directive to open access to the generality of Internet services except for specified social media applications."— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Post-Coup Deputy Minister of Information:
"and we expect that in a very few days or in a week's time, that internet will begin to work normally."
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
Econet, Mon 21 Jan, 20:15:
"The ministerial directive invoked on operators to suspend internet and social media services was set aside this afternoon, by the High Court. All internet and social media services have now been fully restored."
— Highly Educated in conspiracy theories (@Zvakadhakwa) February 3, 2019
- Farai Mudzingwa is a Zimbabwean writer. Follow him on Twitter.
